You don’t really enjoy speeches at Weddings, do you? Yes, I know that you applaud them, and congratulate the speechmakers as you pass them on your way out of the tent for that long-awaited fag. You’ll probably mention how hilarious they were in your thank you letter. But I bet you also perform a mime with your thumbs whilst scanning Track and Trace QR codes. Sometimes, you lie.
Because nobody truly likes wedding speeches. Think about it. A perfectly enjoyable dinner is rudely interrupted by a 35-year-old insurance broker who fancies himself as a star comedian — just so he can share inane anecdotes and in-jokes, leaving the audience to wonder if he really is the ‘best man’ the groom could find. His speech is so generic, in fact, it’s best understood in recipe form:
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